Hi Rhys Firstly, some comments on your referencing - within the text you should have the author's surname and the date, in brackets; so, (Robey, 2013) for example. In the bibliography, you just have the year in brackets after the name, not the full date. The bibliography is arranged alphabetically, so you would have Malcolm, Robey and then Rosenbaum. Try and introduce the quotes via the author's name, rather than just dropping them in; so, for example,
As Robey discusses in his review of the film, 'It's been an inspiration...'
About your style of writing; Rhys, I have to say, I find it really difficult to read your writing... I would like to see you try and write in much more straightforward way, as at the moment your sentences are really over-complicated and jumbled. On many occasions, they don't really make sense; here for example,
'...attractive to her plot, and her audience in viewers'
or here
'...but as she leaves on a recluse with her lover...' - a recluse is someone who avoids other people!
I think in your efforts to make your writing sound academic, you are overcomplicating things too much - go for the simple approach!
Hi Rhys
ReplyDeleteFirstly, some comments on your referencing - within the text you should have the author's surname and the date, in brackets; so, (Robey, 2013) for example. In the bibliography, you just have the year in brackets after the name, not the full date. The bibliography is arranged alphabetically, so you would have Malcolm, Robey and then Rosenbaum.
Try and introduce the quotes via the author's name, rather than just dropping them in; so, for example,
As Robey discusses in his review of the film, 'It's been an inspiration...'
About your style of writing; Rhys, I have to say, I find it really difficult to read your writing... I would like to see you try and write in much more straightforward way, as at the moment your sentences are really over-complicated and jumbled. On many occasions, they don't really make sense; here for example,
'...attractive to her plot, and her audience in viewers'
or here
'...but as she leaves on a recluse with her lover...' - a recluse is someone who avoids other people!
I think in your efforts to make your writing sound academic, you are overcomplicating things too much - go for the simple approach!