Great to see you moving your story forwards in new direction - but can't help notice that your joke shop has sort of fallen away... I really like the immediate opening, with the camera flashes and I like too the 'horror' ending with the sudden appearance of the clown. Ultimately however, I don't think the whole 'Ghost clown culprit' is information that is actually available to your audience. I only understood it by reading the character biography - which your audience won't be able to do. As I said, the 'joke shop' doesn't even make it into this story, and it needs to. So - you've moved a long way from your first idea, but you've still got some more thinking to do.
The whole 'clown haunting' is good - just because it's so creepy. (What about a haunted joke-shop?) The whole 'he's behind you' ending is worth keeping.
How about this for an idea: a man buys a house in a terrace of houses. He moves in, and strange things keep happening: for example; old fashioned joke shop novelties keep turning up; he hears laughter at night; a creepy jack-in-the-box appears (etc!) He finds out that his new home used to be a joke-shop years before - a joke-shop in which some terrible tragedy happened; the 'camera' maybe is an old cine-camera (8mm), which he finds and looks at, and what he discovers is something terrible...
Phil thank you for the feedback, I do like the idea of the clown being behind them and of course it is right that the clowns ghostly image is only obtained from the character biography. When we discussed tearing up the joke shop aspect in terms of using core components, I thought with this idea it could be made from the evidence obtained from the clowns that have been killed by this phantom? Because clowns use gag items in sketches so I thought a evidence locker filled with these things would work XD.
In a new direction I'm am therefore hoping to use a fright horror theme and like you said have the history of the building to have once of been a joke shop. The camera that the character gets out of the box in that sinister trailer is interesting and I think it could open the reveal quite nicely with the reel skipping toward the end :)
OGR 24/01/2014
ReplyDeleteEvening Rhys - and thanks for being so patient :)
Great to see you moving your story forwards in new direction - but can't help notice that your joke shop has sort of fallen away... I really like the immediate opening, with the camera flashes and I like too the 'horror' ending with the sudden appearance of the clown. Ultimately however, I don't think the whole 'Ghost clown culprit' is information that is actually available to your audience. I only understood it by reading the character biography - which your audience won't be able to do. As I said, the 'joke shop' doesn't even make it into this story, and it needs to. So - you've moved a long way from your first idea, but you've still got some more thinking to do.
The whole 'clown haunting' is good - just because it's so creepy. (What about a haunted joke-shop?) The whole 'he's behind you' ending is worth keeping.
How about this for an idea: a man buys a house in a terrace of houses. He moves in, and strange things keep happening: for example; old fashioned joke shop novelties keep turning up; he hears laughter at night; a creepy jack-in-the-box appears (etc!) He finds out that his new home used to be a joke-shop years before - a joke-shop in which some terrible tragedy happened; the 'camera' maybe is an old cine-camera (8mm), which he finds and looks at, and what he discovers is something terrible...
some inspiration!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdtFZPxnweM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2F4ZWTjwTU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuLkQMQBZA4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnDwBSVKgsM
Phil thank you for the feedback, I do like the idea of the clown being behind them and of course it is right that the clowns ghostly image is only obtained from the character biography. When we discussed tearing up the joke shop aspect in terms of using core components, I thought with this idea it could be made from the evidence obtained from the clowns that have been killed by this phantom? Because clowns use gag items in sketches so I thought a evidence locker filled with these things would work XD.
ReplyDeleteIn a new direction I'm am therefore hoping to use a fright horror theme and like you said have the history of the building to have once of been a joke shop. The camera that the character gets out of the box in that sinister trailer is interesting and I think it could open the reveal quite nicely with the reel skipping toward the end :)